Friday, February 29, 2008

Only in LA

Walking down Fairfax today with the baby, I saw a homeless woman with highlights. 

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Hey Gérard Depardieu! Where Are You?

Yesterday morning I started a book called "The Luxe". This book is pretty much "Gossip Girl" except it is set in 1890. I know, awesome. For those of you not familiar with either of these series of books, they are a quick read about rich kids and those who work for them in NY. "Gossip Girl" is set in the present and was recently turned into one of my favorite T.V shows on the CW. Want me to get real honest now? When the writers strike first happened Julia and I were more sad to see "Gossip Girl" go then "The Office." Whatever, don't judge me, just know that my fingers are crossed that "The Luxe" will become a T.V show soon. Also for the record I have never read "Gossip Girl." The show, and these books are pretty ridiculous, and very sexy.

I wasn't allowed to watch television growing up, except for PBS. I could, however, watch movies on the weekend. So just because I missed out on all the sexiness on T.V doesn't mean I didn't find it on my own in movies. Although was T.V sexy when we were growing up? Now watching re-runs of Saved by the Bell and Three's Company, I think not. Although I did catch an episode of Degrassi: Junior High once, and they seemed pretty sexy to me. I had my favorite movies growing up, and they were broken up into two types, sexy or funny. Some movies could be both, which was rare, but awesome. And a lot of the movies I thought were super sexy as a kid, when I look back on them I realize, more often then not they included some kissing, and a fuzzy fade out shot of some serious canoodling. The allusion of sex was enough for me. I decided to come up with a list.
Top 6 Sexy Movies I Watched as a Kid:
1) Green Card- Apparently I thought Gerard Depardieu and Andie MacDowell finally realizing, its not just about the Green Card, really sexy. I think they only had some intense make out scenes. This movie is slightly funny, but not really.
2)Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend - It took some searching to find this on IMDB, some trivia about it is that "it no longer warrants an R rating" I have no idea why we owned this on VHS when I was younger, but its about a couple who find a baby dinosaur and at some point in the movie they get it on in their tent, well at least they lead you to believe they do. This movie is not funny, its really sad. I watched again and again anyway, for the tent scene.
3)Aspen Extreme- The tag line reads "Two friends looking for adventure discover extreme skiing, wealth, and seduction" So sexy. This has been my favorite movie since I was 12. This movie is also extremely funny.
4)Immortal Beloved - This movie is about Beethoven and his one true love. Gary Oldman stars and basically sleeps with everyone. My parents LOVE classical music, and I passed this one off like it was a history lesson. This movie isn't funny per se, just awesome, then, and now.
5)Youngblood- Rob Lowe getting sexy in the 80's. This is a hockey movie so my parents gave it to my sister and me because we played ice hockey growing up, they had NO idea how sexy it was. Tons of bad language, a team full of guys sleeping around, and Miss.McGill (Mrs.Robertson doesn't even begin to compare to Miss McGill) Major hat trick.
6)Backdraft- They have sex on top of a firetruck, enough said.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Dear Diary

Top 5 Things I Am Good At:
1)Making Grilled Cheese
2)Forgetting Shit
3)Making Trouser Jeans into Shorts
4)Recognizing a Young Denise Richards in Saved by the Bell Episodes
5)Coming up with Cool Smoking Poses

Friday, February 1, 2008

"This Orchid is REALLY Bonding with You, Man"

Cissy and I wanted house plants, so we went to the plant store. There was a very fragrant and beautiful orchid that caught Cissy's eye.
"Isn't she a beauty? It comes form Brazil..." said the far-out Chief Orman-esque* plant store manager. Cissy announces that she too is Brazilian and that she enjoys the smell of the orchid.
"I can tell.. that orchid is REALLY bonding with you, man." A quick transaction later and the plant belongs to Cissy. One day later, the plant--and, subsequently, the bond--is dead.

So, we're just getting used to California Far-Out speak. While it's attractive and persuasive at the beginning, it tends to be a little off the mark. I was recently told to take some supplements and vitamins for my strep throat to de-toxify the virus. It sounded good, but so did Penicillin. So next time someone tries to sell us something based on an abstract "bond"-----we'll Take It!!!!!

*Honeymoon in Vegas? Anyone?

Speaking of Celebrity Sightings....

I'm sure you've all heard that River Phoenix's kid brother, Dustin, is hitting up the LA scene like it's 1995. Well, Cissy and I had the pleasure of running into him the other night (pictured above). Allow me to set the record straight: Dustin is a really down-to-earth, nice guy. His heart is as warm and puffy as his vest, and his loyalty and bond to his friends is as tight as the spandex under his jeans. So, if you see Dustin walking around LA (esp. The Grove), don't stop and stare at his edgy style... say "sup, home-slice!" instead.

The Grove=Celebrity Meeting Space

I know I haven't been posting much about celebrity sightings but they happen so often and are usually so boring I'm actually doing you a favor by leaving them out.

However, this past week has been pretty filled with sightings and meetings with people I actually care about.

MLK weekend Julia and I went to a pretty hip bar to meet up with some friends of hers and we met none other then Officer Jones (Cedric Yarbrough) from Reno 911. He was very nice, and had a very obvious infatuation with Julia. (natch)

Also this week at the Grove, where I see a celebrity pretty much every day, I saw both Chris Parnell and Tony Hale. I take the baby walking there a lot because it is connected to the Farmers Market and is a great place for people watching. Tony Hale was with his daughter and looked very much a Milford Man, and Chris Parnell was walking by himself. If I had been wearing the baby bjorn I probably would have introduced myself.

The H Word

Living in LA I have become accustomed to hearing about the latest trends and fashions and "it" people and movies, stores, restaurants, etc. My response is usually a poor imitation of Michael Bluth responding to George-Michael bringing home Anne Veal.

Juno is nominated for best picture. Really?
Scarlett Johansson is the best and most attractive young actress in Hollywood. Her?
Umbrella was the greatest song to come out in the last year. Seriously?
Miley Cyrus sold 16 Mil. in pre-sale tickets. WTF?!
Barack Obama- Fine, I said it.

I credit all of these people and things being popular because of hype and hipness. They garner so much hype that they trick you into thinking they are legit, and then they are considered hip so you feel like a weirdo who doesn't get it if you don't agree. I for one am sick of it. I thought JUNO was hacky as shit. Who speaks in one-liners so frequently besides a car salesman by day/open mic coffee shop comic by night? As for ScarJo it seems to me like she is constantly doing a bad impression of an even worse actress. It's like that's her "thing" and everyone is just saying oh my god, how amazing is it that this beautiful woman with HUGE tits who is about 4 feet tall can act like such a lame girl. Actually you know what, she is hot. I agree with that. But her skills as an actress, I will not concede to. As for Umbrella my only argument is to reference the title of the song. That is all. Oh and to write a song about galoshes and make a million bucks. As for Miley Cyrus I probably don't get it because I'm not 13 anymore. However, I will give everyone who reads this blog $1 dollar if she is not in rehab by the time she is my age. Thats right, I will shell out 8 dollars if she is not in rehab by the time she is 23.

Before I end this rant on pop culture I would like to bring to your attention one H word I actually do embrace. It's honesty. I honestly love a lot of pop culture BS. For example, The Girls Next Door, I LOVE that show. I also have been known to watch the Hills, and I owned about 5 seasons (out of about 37) of Friends back in high school and early college. Pop culture is not all bad, but I encourage you, dear readers, if you are looking for a break from it all why not just settle in, with a nice big Slanket, and watch The Wire.