On Tuesday, I got a manicure from a man.
I have been getting my nails done every two weeks since I was 16, and only twice have I had a man do the task. The first was a cell phone ear-piece-wearing long-haired cheeseball who handled my hands as though they were piping hot crabs. The second man is the one I would like to discuss in this entry. For context, this guy was part of a nail duo-- girl on feet, man on hands.
I like when women do my nails. They have soft hands and they always praise the color I pick out. They smile and ask me if I have plans that night (I never do, but sometimes I lie. I once told Tchau at a Capitol Hill salon that I was going to a ball). Women manicurists make me feel very special. I really liked the woman who did my pedicure on Tuesday, mostly because she distracted me from the butchering that was going on on my hands. Mr. I-wear-a-gold-chain-and-am-flirting-with-the-receptionist managed to make 4 of my cuticles bleed from aggressive cutting and from neglecting to put my hands in warm water (oh no he deh-ennnnnt!!!!). This GUY not only rushed me into signing the bill with wet hands, but didn't even MENTION how pretty my color was!
I know many wonderful men in my life, but not one would I ever trust for my personal grooming. Their hands are hard and they have no interest in balls that I may or may not be attending that evening. I'm sorry if this is all sexist, but YOU try cleaning countertops with 409-vulnerable cuticles!
Friday, October 26, 2007
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Craiglist Job Option #3
TICKLISH GIRLS WANTED FOR VIDEO ** $500 for 20 minutes
Reply to: girlsticklinggirls@gmail.com
Date: 2007-10-24, 12:01PM PDT
Looking for attractive and ticklish girls that are 18 to 25 years old for tickling fetish videos. No nudity involved, fully clothed at all times, this is not porn, very professional. Must have a fun and bubbly personality on camera. Your job will be to tickle a girl for 10 minutes and then be tickled for 10 minutes all while being videotaped. Some easy role-playing may be involved.
THIS IS THE EASIEST MONEY YOU WILL EVER MAKE!! Fun and easy gig. Get paid $500 cash for having fun being tickled and tickling.
Put Down That Remote
Lately I have been watching a lot of t.v and not reading as much as I should. I decided to make a change, and I'm starting with the woman in the mirror. The following articles are two of my favorites that I have come across in my efforts to watch less and read more. Enjoy.
An article about roles for women in comedy movies. Thanks to Jordan Boughrum for sending this my way!
An article about a traveling exhibition devoted to the theme of failed relationships. Thanks to Julia for sending this my way. What would you put in the exhibit???
An article about roles for women in comedy movies. Thanks to Jordan Boughrum for sending this my way!
An article about a traveling exhibition devoted to the theme of failed relationships. Thanks to Julia for sending this my way. What would you put in the exhibit???
A Hollywood Psychic. Great job? Or Greatest Job?
Today walking home from Target I was stopped by a woman pushing a stroller. She loudly said "Excuse Me!" and I stopped thinking she needed directions or was going to ask me for change. She immediately identified herself and the interaction is as follows:
Psychic: I'm a psychic and I just want you to know I see good things for you in the next year. Whats your name?
Me: Ohh, great! Thank You. My name is Cissy(I'm smiling and for a second I actually believe her)
Psychic: You shine so bright. I know you faced some obstacles last year. But this year I think your hard work towards your goals will pay off.
Me: Oh, ok, great, thank you.. (I'm still smiling but starting to get a little skeptic, especially since I know I am not "shining so bright" I'm wearing a shirt with stains on it, and the whole reason I went to Target was to buy shampoo because I hadn't washed my hair in two days)
Psychic: Whats your name?
Me: Cissy. (At this point I'm thinking, common lady I JUST told you my name, now I understand you're no mind reader but you should remember my name if you are going to try and sell me this load of crap)
Psychic: Cissy, did you face some obstacles last year?
Me: Sort of....(I'm half smiling at this point, but frankly I was hoping for a bit more out of this. Of course I faced some obstacles in the last year, who doesn't go a whole f-ing year without some obstacles?!)
Psychic: I can give you a reading right now. (We are standing on the side of the road and she is pushing a baby carriage with a real kid in it)
Me: Oh no thanks...(and I walked away)
For the rest of the walk home I began thinking what a great job a Hollywood Psychic would be. I mean 9 out of 10 people you meet out here are trying to break into the industry in some way. So of course they have big goals, and obstacles to face. Also it is such a toss up if most of these people are ever going to achieve the level of fame they want so most are really desperate for some sign of hope. I admit that even I in the first seconds of our encounter really believed that this woman could tell I was "special." A psychic in general is a pretty easy job but a psychic in Hollywood, well that's a gold mine!!
Psychic: I'm a psychic and I just want you to know I see good things for you in the next year. Whats your name?
Me: Ohh, great! Thank You. My name is Cissy(I'm smiling and for a second I actually believe her)
Psychic: You shine so bright. I know you faced some obstacles last year. But this year I think your hard work towards your goals will pay off.
Me: Oh, ok, great, thank you.. (I'm still smiling but starting to get a little skeptic, especially since I know I am not "shining so bright" I'm wearing a shirt with stains on it, and the whole reason I went to Target was to buy shampoo because I hadn't washed my hair in two days)
Psychic: Whats your name?
Me: Cissy. (At this point I'm thinking, common lady I JUST told you my name, now I understand you're no mind reader but you should remember my name if you are going to try and sell me this load of crap)
Psychic: Cissy, did you face some obstacles last year?
Me: Sort of....(I'm half smiling at this point, but frankly I was hoping for a bit more out of this. Of course I faced some obstacles in the last year, who doesn't go a whole f-ing year without some obstacles?!)
Psychic: I can give you a reading right now. (We are standing on the side of the road and she is pushing a baby carriage with a real kid in it)
Me: Oh no thanks...(and I walked away)
For the rest of the walk home I began thinking what a great job a Hollywood Psychic would be. I mean 9 out of 10 people you meet out here are trying to break into the industry in some way. So of course they have big goals, and obstacles to face. Also it is such a toss up if most of these people are ever going to achieve the level of fame they want so most are really desperate for some sign of hope. I admit that even I in the first seconds of our encounter really believed that this woman could tell I was "special." A psychic in general is a pretty easy job but a psychic in Hollywood, well that's a gold mine!!
Celebrity Sightings 5, 6, 7
Dear readers, you might have been asking yourselves "Cissy and Julia live in Hollywood now, why are they not hanging out with celebrities left and right?" Well maybe we are! And maybe we're not. Either way here are my celebrity sightings from the past month.
Driving down Robertson Blvd, where normally you can expect to see female celebrities out shopping between drug overdoses, I saw Oscar from the office. Needless to say I was more excited to see him because he is a brilliant improviser and has been on two of my favorite t.v shows, the office, and Reno 911.
Sighting Two
Today I went on a little shopping excursion to target. Anyone who has ever shopped at Target knows that the check out situation can be a bit of a cluster-fuck. I only had two small items I was buying so I searched for the shortest line possible. I noticed a man who seemed to only have bags and bags of M&Ms that he was buying so I made a bee-line to get behind him in line. My first thought was that the man in front of me with a rampant sugar addiction looked like our downstairs neighbor. Then I realized it was non other then Silent Bob himself, Kevin Smith. His very tall and thin wife popped up as he was signing the credit card receipt, she looked miserable.
Last night Julia and I were supposed to have improv class. However, due to power outages class was cancelled after we had all arrived. As a class we decided to go get drinks and hang out so it wasn't a wasted evening. We ended up at a very large Mexican Bar/Restaurant near our house. This particular establishment had about 200 televisions everywhere you looked all playing the World Series. Our class ended up at a long table in the corner. I noticed that not even 10 feet from us was a private room that looked like a board room, with about 8 flat screens. The long board room table in the middle, but instead of normal office chairs there were special "Mexican Restaurant VIP room office chairs." Low and behold who should be sitting at the head of the table was "Riiiiiicccchhhhhaaaarrrddd" himself, David Spade. I love David Spade. Sometimes he gives me the douche chills because he is such a "celebrity" comedian but Tommy Boy is one of my all time favorites, so I feel a loyalty to him. Julia noticed him first, and said that they made eye contact and he immediately shut the curtains closing off the room. As soon as the game ended he got up and left, creating a scene eerily like the above picture. David Spade in all is 5 ft. glory with a tall thin blond catering to him. This sparked the always original conversation about why celebrities go out in the first place if they are just going to lock themselves up and be weird about being in public. For the record I did not see one person go up to him the entire time. If you are so against seeing other people, why not just stay home?
Sighting One
Driving down Robertson Blvd, where normally you can expect to see female celebrities out shopping between drug overdoses, I saw Oscar from the office. Needless to say I was more excited to see him because he is a brilliant improviser and has been on two of my favorite t.v shows, the office, and Reno 911.Sighting Two
Today I went on a little shopping excursion to target. Anyone who has ever shopped at Target knows that the check out situation can be a bit of a cluster-fuck. I only had two small items I was buying so I searched for the shortest line possible. I noticed a man who seemed to only have bags and bags of M&Ms that he was buying so I made a bee-line to get behind him in line. My first thought was that the man in front of me with a rampant sugar addiction looked like our downstairs neighbor. Then I realized it was non other then Silent Bob himself, Kevin Smith. His very tall and thin wife popped up as he was signing the credit card receipt, she looked miserable.
Sighting 3
Last night Julia and I were supposed to have improv class. However, due to power outages class was cancelled after we had all arrived. As a class we decided to go get drinks and hang out so it wasn't a wasted evening. We ended up at a very large Mexican Bar/Restaurant near our house. This particular establishment had about 200 televisions everywhere you looked all playing the World Series. Our class ended up at a long table in the corner. I noticed that not even 10 feet from us was a private room that looked like a board room, with about 8 flat screens. The long board room table in the middle, but instead of normal office chairs there were special "Mexican Restaurant VIP room office chairs." Low and behold who should be sitting at the head of the table was "Riiiiiicccchhhhhaaaarrrddd" himself, David Spade. I love David Spade. Sometimes he gives me the douche chills because he is such a "celebrity" comedian but Tommy Boy is one of my all time favorites, so I feel a loyalty to him. Julia noticed him first, and said that they made eye contact and he immediately shut the curtains closing off the room. As soon as the game ended he got up and left, creating a scene eerily like the above picture. David Spade in all is 5 ft. glory with a tall thin blond catering to him. This sparked the always original conversation about why celebrities go out in the first place if they are just going to lock themselves up and be weird about being in public. For the record I did not see one person go up to him the entire time. If you are so against seeing other people, why not just stay home?All That She Wants..
..Has come true!
There are certain "firsts" in every persons life that are remembered forever.
A few of mine:
First Tape: Ace of Base
First Talent Show Performance: Interpretive Dance to "I Saw the Sign" by Ace of Base
First "Inappropriate" Song I knew All the Words to: "All That She Wants" by Ace of Base
Ace of Base has just announced a reunion tour! First prize winner of the caption contest will be rewarded the ticket for the seat next to mine at their show in LA. You're welcome in advance, winner!
There are certain "firsts" in every persons life that are remembered forever.
A few of mine:
First Tape: Ace of Base
First Talent Show Performance: Interpretive Dance to "I Saw the Sign" by Ace of Base
First "Inappropriate" Song I knew All the Words to: "All That She Wants" by Ace of Base
Ace of Base has just announced a reunion tour! First prize winner of the caption contest will be rewarded the ticket for the seat next to mine at their show in LA. You're welcome in advance, winner!
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
I Respect Your Van, Man
This van lives around the corner from us. I don't have much to say about it, except that it is repulsive. As you can see through the passenger-side window, this van is filled to the brim with trash. One can smell the trash from the other side of the road. If you opened that sliding door, you would probably be dead in 4 days from exposure. Cissy and I just wanted to let you know about this, and can show it to you in person if you come to visit.
PS--I don't know who "Tuffy the Dog" is, but I think I know where he is buried.
PPS-- Cissy made me take this picture even though I thought I would get killed. She said that if the owner popped out and asked questions, I should reply with "I respect your van....man."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)