I finally know what all those crazy homosexual/transvestites/drug addicts/starving artists were singing and dancing about in the musical "Rent" now that I too live in an apartment where I have to pay rent. Why should they have to pay for their HUGE loft with AMAZING river views when there are so many other things to spend money on like fake eyelashes, hooker shoes, drugs, and expensive paints. I don't want to pay my rent either. I think I'm going to go throw caution to the wind and dance in the street and be really self-righteous about having AIDS. I have more important things to spend money on, like tickets to the Tyler Perry movie and star maps to celebrity homes.
Happy 1st of the month!
Thursday, November 1, 2007
You Learn Something New Every Day
October 31st 2007:
Today I learned that nurses, sailors, maids, Rainbow Brite, doctors, girl scouts, refs, a queen, a court jester, Little Red Riding Hood, cats, bunnies, cops, fire fighters, pirates, Mrs Claus, construction workers, Pocahontas, teachers, girls who go to school, Hermione Granger, plumbers, cowgirls, bumble-bees, waitresses, pilots, Sherlock Holmes and any Disney character ever; all wear thigh highs, high heels, short skirts, low cut tops, and chokers. Who knew??
Today I learned that nurses, sailors, maids, Rainbow Brite, doctors, girl scouts, refs, a queen, a court jester, Little Red Riding Hood, cats, bunnies, cops, fire fighters, pirates, Mrs Claus, construction workers, Pocahontas, teachers, girls who go to school, Hermione Granger, plumbers, cowgirls, bumble-bees, waitresses, pilots, Sherlock Holmes and any Disney character ever; all wear thigh highs, high heels, short skirts, low cut tops, and chokers. Who knew??
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Tricks of the Trade
Trick or Treat! Yea, we have all been hearing that phrase a lot the last week. But what about it's Forgotten Stepchild Catchphrase; Tricks of the Trade? Inside pointers that help you succeed in a certain situation aka Tricks of the Trade may not have it's own holiday, but it is still an important catch-phrase none the less. To commemorate this very important catch phrase I am going to share with you a few "tricks of the trade" to spotting celebrities.
Tricks of the Trade to spotting Celebrities:
1)Live your life like an "out of work" celebrity
Many celebrities live off money they make from syndication. They are not currently filming anything but they probably toss movie/t.v ideas around with their friends. I am currently working about an hour/two hours a day. Not by choice. Like most celebrities I would like to work more. Except in my case I would panic in front of a camera at work. Because at my job it would be a "nanny cam." I do however have a little income and toss around sketch/stand-up ideas around with my friends. Since most of my day is free I have taken to running pointless errands around town, brunching in the middle of the week, and staying out late on the weeknights. Every time I have done one of these things I have run into a celebrity. Just this morning Julia and I were having brunch with a friend and we sat next to Mila Kunis, the voice of Meg on "Family Guy", as well as one of the girls on "That 70's Show". I also sat near Minnie Driver while having brunch a couple of weeks ago with some girlfriends of mine from high school. Just last week I was behind Kevin Smith in line at Target, and later that day when I was driving to get my car cleaned I drove by a taping of "The Hills." I never would have seen David Spade if I hadn't thought getting drunk on a Wednesday night was a good idea. Its quite simple, the less money you make, the more celebrities you will see. Besides everyone knows a good celebrity sighting is like money in the bank.
2) Work constantly to afford going to swanky places
Now I haven't tried this out yet. But I have been passed this information as an excellent trick of the trade. If you can afford a table or bottle service at a swanky club in LA you will most likely see or interact with a celebrity who is trying to get into the tabloids therefore probably working, and probably a douche. Personally I try to steer clear of any place with a guest list or a line so I'm fine with my out of work celebrities to accompany my out of work self, they are usually nicer anyway. Perspective is a wonderful thing!
3) Be REALLY lucky or a HUGE stalker
A good celebrity sighting is often luck. Or stalking. It's 50/50 really. Anyone can read about a celebrities interests and then frequent places you know they would enjoy. But just as often you could be out having a good time with your friends, or walking your dog, or fake shopping (thats looking at clothes but not buying them, because you don't have a job) and see your favorite star of yesterday or today.
So, dear readers, just follow these simple tricks of the trade and watch the celebrity sightings roll in. You're welcome.
Tricks of the Trade to spotting Celebrities:
1)Live your life like an "out of work" celebrity
Many celebrities live off money they make from syndication. They are not currently filming anything but they probably toss movie/t.v ideas around with their friends. I am currently working about an hour/two hours a day. Not by choice. Like most celebrities I would like to work more. Except in my case I would panic in front of a camera at work. Because at my job it would be a "nanny cam." I do however have a little income and toss around sketch/stand-up ideas around with my friends. Since most of my day is free I have taken to running pointless errands around town, brunching in the middle of the week, and staying out late on the weeknights. Every time I have done one of these things I have run into a celebrity. Just this morning Julia and I were having brunch with a friend and we sat next to Mila Kunis, the voice of Meg on "Family Guy", as well as one of the girls on "That 70's Show". I also sat near Minnie Driver while having brunch a couple of weeks ago with some girlfriends of mine from high school. Just last week I was behind Kevin Smith in line at Target, and later that day when I was driving to get my car cleaned I drove by a taping of "The Hills." I never would have seen David Spade if I hadn't thought getting drunk on a Wednesday night was a good idea. Its quite simple, the less money you make, the more celebrities you will see. Besides everyone knows a good celebrity sighting is like money in the bank.
2) Work constantly to afford going to swanky places
Now I haven't tried this out yet. But I have been passed this information as an excellent trick of the trade. If you can afford a table or bottle service at a swanky club in LA you will most likely see or interact with a celebrity who is trying to get into the tabloids therefore probably working, and probably a douche. Personally I try to steer clear of any place with a guest list or a line so I'm fine with my out of work celebrities to accompany my out of work self, they are usually nicer anyway. Perspective is a wonderful thing!
3) Be REALLY lucky or a HUGE stalker
A good celebrity sighting is often luck. Or stalking. It's 50/50 really. Anyone can read about a celebrities interests and then frequent places you know they would enjoy. But just as often you could be out having a good time with your friends, or walking your dog, or fake shopping (thats looking at clothes but not buying them, because you don't have a job) and see your favorite star of yesterday or today.
So, dear readers, just follow these simple tricks of the trade and watch the celebrity sightings roll in. You're welcome.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Institution Chic
This picture was taken of me last night. It is part of my Halloween costume. I'm always a "middle school drama teacher" but the details of the costume change depending on the night.
I realized this morning that based on this picture alone I could start a new wave of high end fashion. Zoolander brought us Derelict, now I present Institution Chic.
Its pre-rehab, post mental hospital, currently resides in a door frame....at the library.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
You're Not My Real Dad
On very special occasions I leave the bright light of my glowing television set and I go out on the town. Tonight I attended a costume party in Silver Lake. From the front the house looked like a little rambler, but it lead into a small back yard, a long, steep set of stairs and into a HUGE backyard. The stairs and rocky terrain proved difficult for me (not because I was drunk, I was the DD tonight) but because I had on one awkward boot and one sneaker. I went as a "middle school drama teacher." The only thing that ensured I wasn't the most unattractive female there were the multitude of transvestites. Probably around 150-200 people there all in different types of costumes. They ranged from typical (a slutty nurse/fairy/nun/any person ever) to amazing (a 6'7 large large man dressed as Fesick from Princess bride, flawless)
One guy danced up to us in a tiny pair of shorts and a wannabe members only jacket unbuttoned with nothing underneath. I asked him what he was and he said "Your Dad" and I said "You look good for your age" Which I feel like is a MORE then generous response to such a douche chill costume. About 10 minutes later I witnessed him being an ass around some other people and they too asked him what he was. After he responded the guy who asked looked at him and said "well thanks for raping me" I left about 10 minutes later.
Happy Halloween.
One guy danced up to us in a tiny pair of shorts and a wannabe members only jacket unbuttoned with nothing underneath. I asked him what he was and he said "Your Dad" and I said "You look good for your age" Which I feel like is a MORE then generous response to such a douche chill costume. About 10 minutes later I witnessed him being an ass around some other people and they too asked him what he was. After he responded the guy who asked looked at him and said "well thanks for raping me" I left about 10 minutes later.
Happy Halloween.
Dear Diary
Tonight I went to a costume party. I saw a guy in a white t-shirt that looked like it had been in a fire. On the shirt was written MALIBU and on the back it said Too Soon?
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