Response to the Letter from My Wayward Car

Dear "Big Creep,"

Thanks for writing. For the record, my name is "Julia." I know you're registered to the name Jim, but I'm the one that's been driving you for the past four years. Good to know that you're attentive. New Mexico, eh? Sounds great. My parents met in Santa Fe, did you know that? It's pretty exciting for me to hear that you're in NM-- especially since you were supposed to arrive in LA seven days ago. LA is pretty far from NM. The lady at your camp said that you won't be arriving until Friday. It's not good news for me because I'm still paying for a rental car (her name is Meekuchee-chee, and she's wonderful), and I need to find a job. It's hard to look for work on foot in Los Angeles.

You should probably take it easy on Cissy's car. I don't know if you know this, but Cissy and I live together now. You and her car will be sharing a parking space. I suggest that you take a kinder approach to friend-making. Maybe Cissy can talk to him about hygiene when he comes back. You all are both entering that stage in your lives. You and I will sit down to chat as well... you have a lot to learn. Speaking of which, who the fuck taught you to write??

No, you may NOT throw out the stuff in the backseat. My comforter is back there, and I am freezing at night here. Also, you have all my books, lamps and miscellaneous Halloween costumes. Please don't toss it. Not even for a joke.

Tell Stinky to step on it.

Love, JULIA