Some of Us Root for the Underdog

***UPDATE***
For those of you who have read this entry it is now updated. Ebon Moss-Bachrach is out. I still enjoy him in movies, however, information about him as a person that I received from a very credible source has led me to remove him from my personal list of heartthrobs. Paul Schneider is now #1, top of the list. I will work on finding a new #2, and a real #3.

Tonight I attended my first book club meeting.
That's not what this blog entry is about. This blog entry is about the road I took, when the two roads diverged in the woods (a.k.a, vis-a-vi) (my brain) and I had to choose between road A- which is a book club entry orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (blatant So I Married an Axe Murderer reference) road B- telling you who my favorite Hollywood dreamboats are. I choose road B (with a tiny bit of A, basically I'm on road B but I can still see A....ok?!! Yaaay. I thought about this tonight because tonight at the end of book club (see, here we are looking at road A) we decided when we were going to meet next. Someone suggested the date Nov 11th and Julia without pause screamed out THAT'S LEONARDO DICAPRIO'S BIRTHDAY!!!!
Now since this blog entry is not about book club I wont go into details about everyone else's reactions, however, I will share mine. Which is, I don't care much for Leonardo Dicaprio, and for that matter I don't care much for Brad, or Matt, or Hugh, or Ryan, or Ben, or John, or Jacob, or Jinggleheimerorshmidt. These men are, of course, good looking men, but they are not my men. These men do not get my heart racing when I see them on screen or in magazines. In fact they kind of give me the douche chills.

Crush # 1: Paul Schneider

I first fell for Paul Schneider while watching "The Family Stone" he just played that hometown, stoner, yet still an EMT, good guy next door character so well. I firmly believe that he had the best laugh in the whole movie, the whole movie full of family angst, and cancer, a deaf gay son, and a sibling love quad-mix-up weird switcheroo thing, basically a laugh riot... I recently saw The Assassination of Jesse James at the Arclight with Julia. Paul played a member of The James Gang. I was thrilled to introduce Julia to Paul, via the big screen. I'm not quite sure she understood my obsession, (which I like, I don't want to compete over my heartthrobs....unlike some people...Nov 11th...) but she did see his appeal. Some say appeal, some say second greatest living actor around today. Thanks to Jake, I have now seen "All the Real Girls" This movie is what promted me to oficially move Paul into the #1 spot.

Crush # 3: Thomas Mapother Like I said...I don't like to compete over my heartthrobs.

Arclight

[SPOILER ALERT: JESSE JAMES DIES IN "THE ASSASSINATION OF JESSE JAMES BY THE COWARD ROBERT FORD"]

Unlike many people in Los Angeles, Cissy and I are really "into" movies. We've (I've) had a lot of great moments at the theater-- me kicking my car keys underneath the seat in front of me (and not doing anything because I thought it was just a hair clip), me crying at two previews in a row, me crying at Morgan Freeman, and me spilling a full baggie of my Famous BananaChip-and-Almond Trail Mix into my own filthy purse (that combo of foods is disgusting, btw).

However, we recently ventured outside of the safety and comfort of the $37-a-ticket Grove Theater and tried out the Arclight. After we parked the car in the lot, walked a block, turned left, walked a block, turned left again, and walked another block, we realized that we were not only standing at the entrance of the Arclight, but were about 20 feet from our car. Apparently parking lots have more than one exit. And more so apparent was the fact that Arclight ONLY has exits. The front doors were locked, and just before we turned back to the car (the long way), we realized that the real entrance was around the other side. All this turning made me confused and wheezy.

So the Arclight is fancy. It's no United Artists Bethesda, and couldn't even come close in grandeur to that old Tenley Town theater that was next to the Swensens on Wisconsin. But it's pretty nice. The Arclight has assigned seating. I didn't want to be awkward, so I reluctantly chose the seat next to Cissy. She was standing right there, what could I do? We resisted caramel popcorn and went straight to our Jesse James seats (seats for viewing the new Jesse James movie, not some cool western-themed movie chairs). A man came out and talked to us, in person, about the movie. He told us to silence our phones, and that Brad Pitt and Casey Affleck were the stars of the movie we were about to see. Well hot damn!! He then assured us that another usher would be present for the first 30 minutes to ensure that sound and picture quality were "up to Arclight standard." As a girl who once got up in a DiCaprio-and-Estrogen double-fueled homicidal fit and told the manager straight up that the sound was off during the opening credits of "Titanic," I found this comforting. The whole experience was very nice, especially the mexican food we had afterwards.

What do Wes Anderson and National Geographic have in Common?

They both hired Alec Baldwin to do narration work.

Alternate Title: The Baldwin Comeback?

I believe we have a bonafied Baldwin comeback on our hands. Then again have the Baldwins really been missing? Lately I have had Baldwin overload, in the last 48 hours I feel like majority of what I have watched has had a Baldwin starring, co -starring, or narrating.
Like I said before I have been watching a lot of television and movies. When you watch as much as I do now, you know that 3 out of 4 Baldwin brothers have been seeing major face time recently. Anyway, the 4th brother doesn't count because, lets be honest, he was only ever famous for having famous brothers. Alec Baldwin can be seen on 30 Rock, and various gossip sites for calling his ex-wife and daughter a variety of harsh names, and his younger brother William (Billy) Baldwin (of Backdraft fame) is on the new ABC show "Dirty Sexy Money," and Stephen Baldwin absolutely has some major films coming out. One might immediately think...BALDWIN COMEBACK! I know I did....but then I realized, hasn't a Baldwin always been a staple, sometimes unexpectedly?


Now its a lot easier to identify a Baldwins face then their voices. They all look very similar with there impossibly dark hair, mysterious grins, and blue slanty eyes nestled below thick, almost, Peter Gallagheresque eyebrows. However, if you listen closely you will hear a Baldwin in the most obscure places. Just tonight as Julia and I were watching Planet Carnivore on National Geographic (yes, that's right, we watch Planet Carnivore on Saturday nights if we want.) I kept getting distracted from the thrashing sharks by the husky voice that explained their eating habits. Instead of processing the information and improving my knowledge of sharks and other sea life they come into contact with I couldn't help but think of the opening scene of the Wes Anderson directed, The Royal Tenenbaums. Watching the birds on National Geographic swooping low over the ocean, barely above the sharks, I kept picturing Mordecai, faithful hawk belonging to Richie soaring above the Tenenbaum home to "Hey Jude" with Alec Baldwin as the narrator describing the family. I instantly thought "I KNOW THAT VOICE!" It was the narrator, it was Jack on 30 Rock making fun of Tina Fey, it was eerily similar to the voices of main characters in "Dirty Sexy Money", "Three of Hearts" and "Threesome"....it was Alec Baldwin!

Clearly Alec is the most famous of the Baldwins and is working the most these days, however, let us not count out that aside from once being the star of the second "sex" movie I ever watched ("Threesome"...natch) brother Stephen can be found starring in "The Flyboys" and "Sharks in Venice." Two films, I will admit I haven't gotten the chance to watch yet, but they just scream artistic integrity and they are at the top of my que. Brother Billy once star of the first and I think third "sex" movie I ever watched ("Backdraft " and "Three of Hearts"...respectively) will also soon be seen in the upcoming film "Sakura: The Blue Eyed Samurai" Now I dont know about you but when I hear that title I immediately picture blue eyed, dark haired, mysterious, sexy slanty eyed, Billy.

So to end this I Salute the Baldwins, and let us always remember the knowledge we gained from watching or hearing them. They truly are members of my personal television and movie "old guard."

Maybe My Mom Was Right

Growing up I was not allowed to watch television. I know, the humanity. As a child I really didn't know any different. I went to an all girls Catholic school so we wore uniforms. No body wore trendy clothes such as t-shirts featuring the boys from "New Kids on the Block" a band I only became familiar with in high school. I never really worried about not being able to watch t.v. Sometimes I would go over to my friend Bo's house and we would watch MacGuyver and then play MacGuyver in the back yard as soon as it was over. I wasn't aware growing up of all the television gold I was missing.

It is now that I am an adult that I am starting to realize how in the dark I am when it comes to pop culture from the 80s and 90s. I am the last person you want on your team playing trivial pursuit or catchphrase when the question pertains to anything entertainment related. During a recent game of catchphrase my clue was "Fraggle Rock" I was completely lost. However, if it is a question about books I'm the first to shout out an answer. Reading was my television, and I was a feign. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but when you read as much as I did you become quite good at it. I could put away books by Lois Lowry, Roald Dahl, Judy Blume, Edward Eager, Norton Juster, and a handful of others in just a couple of days as a kid, and now as an adult I often used to find myself reading a book in just a couple of hours if I had the free time.

Our first month out here Julia and I didn't have a television because it was coming in my car which I shipped from DC and ended up being a month late. Finally it arrived and now we have cable.
I am officially addicted. There is so much television out there I can barely tear myself away. I record everything and anything. From cooking shows, to comedy shows, to old sitcoms that ended before I was born.
I recently watched "Whose the Boss?" for the first time, and spent about 15 minutes grilling Julia on the details of the show. "You mean she hired a MALE MAID?!" "HOW SOON DO THE KIDS START HOOKING UP WITH EACH OTHER?" I shouted over the cheesy opening credits. I have no concept of a family sitcom because most of the shows I watch are recent ones where the entire story line revolves around drug using, sexually mature, corrupted youth.
I'm somewhat used to watching network television but cable is a whole new world to me. I cant put down the remote. I mastered it in under a day, I can page through hundreds of channels in seconds, if I even chose to watch something I haven't pre-recorded or isn't "On Demand". My vocabulary as entirely changed. I now know what "page up and page down" mean, what DVR, and On Demand mean. I had absolutely no regret when we go our cable bill and I realized I was spending more on cable that month then groceries.

I used to fall asleep like this:



Now I fall asleep to this:

Best Unintentional Vanity Plate Ever (courtesy of Nate Luce)

"TOO RADICAL FOR YOU!"

The Future is Bleak

Dear Diary

Every day is Halloween if you are a transvestite.