"Tell Me What You Don't Like About Yourself"/This Show

As you may know, the season premiere of Nip/Tuck aired this past week. As you may not know, this new season is completely based on the experience of (Drs) Julia Bensfield and Cissy Fenwick. And we are not happy about it.

For those of you who aren't familiar with this (so-so) FX series, allow me to fill you in: Two plastic surgeons, (Drs) Christian Troy and Sean McNamara, live in Miami where they perform cutting edge surgeries on women and men who are unhappy with their bodies (as they should be!). Sean and Christian are not gay, nor are they brothers, but they share a South Beach mansion for some reason and are usually cooking dinner together.

This season, by very curious coincidence, Christian and Sean have packed up and moved to Los Angeles--- aka "The Mecca of Plastic Surgery" aka "The City Where Cissy and Julia Shop at Smart&Final." Before all the sexy west coast freak-show-surgeries can begin, Xtian and Sean need to make a name for themselves in this little desert city. BUT HOW???

Here's where a little thing I like to call The LA Montage comes in pretty handy. A perfect fusion of the opening of The Hills and the Dogg brothers' getting-ready-to-go-out self tanner and cologne-soaked scene from True Life: I'm a Clubber, the Nip/Tuck montage did not disappoint. Uh oh! The boys need to go out and pick up clients! Christian can't decide on a blazer! Sean is fussing around with his hair pomade! Sean has a black baby with no babysitter! Christian has tried on every blazer in the (shared) Malibu pad and tossed them onto his bed! Cosmos are being poured! Everyone is tan! Christian and Sean's moves aren't working on the ladies because they are G-A-Y!

To make a long story short: Christian found a blazer. Oh, and Lauren Hutton told the boys that the only way to get clients was to get publicity. She recommends becoming consultants on "Hearts and Scalpels," an eerily similar fake show within-a-show. They get the gig, they get exposure, they get patients (including 1. a studio exec who likes to get whipped by Cassssaaaannnnndrrrraaaa and 2. The Not-Heather Locklear, Not-Andrew Shue, Not-Courtney Thorne Smith Woman From Melrose Place) and suddenly our boys have been sucked into the world of fame, power and dirty. sexy. money.

Which brings me to my original concern: How DARE FX take the Cissy Fenwick and Julia Bensfield story??We moved out here as sexy young plastic surgeons, looking for a new city and a beach house where we could stock our blazers and raise our interracial infant. Now look at us: writing on a hit TV show, getting hair plugs (Cissy), and feuding over things that are superficial...all while sewing up nostrils and putting implants into a tranny's third breast. Think about it, FX. Now I have a meal to cook with my roommate!